[The scene opens in the waiting room of Super Mega Giant medical center in a mid-sized city in northern Florida, USA. He is a middle-aged male, and has been for some time. This report includes two Shes: A, a medical assistant; and J, a nurse practitioner.]
A: Mr. He?
He: Right here.
A: Very good, come with me. [She leads him to an alcove with a scale, weighs him, makes note on chart.] All right, now, here’s the exam room you’ll be using. [Extends hand.] My name is A, and I’m Dr. B’s new medical assistant.
[He does not know what a "medical assistant" is, or where people with that title reside on the medical hierarchy, but believes He will be able to guess from what follows. He is right.]
A: Let me just take your blood pressure and your pulse…
[She does so, then moves to computer, sits down, and asks series of very basic questions about His medical history as she keys in His answers. He concludes she's some sort of trainee. She checks computer screen.]
A: Okaaay… Looks like you’re due for EXAM* today, is that right?
[He wasn't expecting it. He never is; its various surprises, after all, are essential features of EXAM.]
He: Um, I guess, sure.
A: Well, I’m pretty much done here. I’m not sure if J will do EXAM or if Dr. B will. I’ll let them sort that out. J will be in in just a minute. Nice to meet you!
[She exits. Five-ten minutes later, J, the nurse practitioner, enters.]
J: Good morning. Mr. He, nice to see you again.
[She sits at computer terminal. Asks him many questions about his prescriptions' status. Asks if he has any questions about his lab results.]
He: Nope, I think I understood what I was looking at.
J: [Standing up.] All right then. I’ll just take care of this one last thing…
[She approaches the table on which He sits. He dismounts from the table, turns to face it, unfastens his belt and pants, lowers his pants---]
J: Wait! What the hell are you doing?!?
He: Uh, well, A said that either you or—
J: Oh, she did, did she? Well I’ll just straighten her out!
[She leaves exam room. He waits perhaps a minute and concludes that he should refasten his pants.]
[Five-ten minutes more, J re-enters exam room.]
J: Now, as I started to say, let me just get this stethoscope off the wall here so I can check your heart and lungs…
He: Ah. So then you aren’t going to, umm, do EXAM?
J: [Shakes head violently, makes "time-out" sign with both hands.] NO. Dr. B will be in when I’m done and he will take care of you.
He: You have to admit, this is pretty funny—
J: [Says nothing, but shudders exaggeratedly, and leaves.]
_____________
* Details of EXAM need not be spelled out, need they?
Well that lady needs to get a sense of humor, because that was hilarious!
On behalf of every woman who has ever been examined by a male gynecologist, let me say:welcome to our world.
a/b
Sherri: Well, she went through the motions of being amused. But I could tell she was saying, implicitly, Never, never make that mistake again! :)
a/b: In the years since I first needed to have EXAM performed, it’s nearly always been a female nurse practitioner who’s done it — although my doctor’s always been a male. First time it happened, it kind of alarmed me (it doesn’t take much to alarm me). Thereafter though, I thought exactly that: Women with male gynecologists have been putting up with much worse, for far longer. Live with it, mister.
Ha. Or not, as the case may be.