{"id":22224,"date":"2020-02-14T06:23:04","date_gmt":"2020-02-14T11:23:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/?p=22224"},"modified":"2020-02-14T06:24:35","modified_gmt":"2020-02-14T11:24:35","slug":"so-much-that-fills-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/2020\/02\/so-much-that-fills-me\/","title":{"rendered":"So Much That Fills Me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

[Image: “DCI Mooreland,” by John E. Simpson — one of my #jesstorypix series of photos (many highly post-processed) which inspired mini-narratives in me. (Shared here under a Creative Commons License; for more information, see this page<\/a> at <\/em>RAMH.) The story I saw in this one: <\/em>DCI Selwyn Mooreland thought he’d seen it all — but he hadn’t. He realized that now… now that they’d arrested Harry Rightback’s widow, Marjorie, and had time to search the house. Bad enough, it was, that all the bodies in the back yard matched up with name tags tacked up on the corkboard on the basement wall. But Mooreland knew the worst was yet to come. For there were still a hundred more tags there — tags with no corresponding bodies. Yet… (I’m afraid the inconclusive concluding ellipsis is a feature of many of those stories.) You can find the large version of this photo at my SmugMug site<\/a>.]<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From whiskey river<\/a><\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop worrying about your identity and concern yourself with the people you care about, ideas that matter to you, beliefs you can stand by, tickets you can run on. Intelligent humans make those choices with their brain and hearts and they make them alone. The world does not deliver meaning to you. You have to make it meaningful… and decide what you want and need and must do. It’s a tough, unimaginably lonely and complicated way to be in the world. But that’s the deal: you have to live; you can’t live by slogans, dead ideas, clich\u00e9s, or national flags. Finding an identity is easy. It’s the easy way out.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(Zadie Smith [source<\/a><\/em>])<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…and<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not Only the Eskimos<\/strong><\/p>

We have only one noun
but as many different kinds:<\/p>

the grainy snow of the Puritans
and snow of soft, fat flakes,<\/p>

guerrilla snow, which comes in the night
and changes the world by morning,<\/p>

rabbinical snow, a permanent skullcap
on the highest mountains,<\/p>

snow that blows in like the Lone Ranger,
riding hard from out of the West,<\/p>

surreal snow in the Dakotas,
when you can’t find your house, your street,
though you are not in a dream
or a science-fiction movie,<\/p>

snow that tastes good to the sun
when it licks black tree limbs,
leaving us only one white stripe,
a replica of a skunk,<\/p>

unbelievable snows:
the blizzard that strikes on the tenth of April,
the false snow before Indian summer,
the Big Snow on Mozart’s birthday,
when Chicago became the Elysian Fields
and strangers spoke to each other,<\/p>

paper snow, cut and taped,
to the inside of grade-school windows,<\/p>

in an old tale, the snow
that covers a nest of strawberries,
small hearts, ripe and sweet,<\/p>

the special snow that goes with Christmas,
whether it falls or not,<\/p>

the Russian snow we remember
along with the warmth and smell of furs,
though we have never traveled
to Russia or worn furs,<\/p>

Villon’s snows of yesteryear,
lost with ladies gone out like matches,<\/p>

the snow in Joyce’s “The Dead,”
the silent, secret snow<\/p>

in a story by Conrad Aiken,
which is the snow of first love,<\/p>

the snowfall between the child
and the spacewoman on TV,<\/p>

snow as idea of whiteness,
as in snowdrop<\/em>, snow goose<\/em>, snowball bush<\/em>,<\/p>

the snow that puts stars in your hair,
and your hair, which has turned to snow,<\/p>

the snow Elinor Wylie walked in
in velvet shoes,<\/p>

the snow before her footprints
and the snow after,<\/p>

the snow in the back of our heads,
whiter than white, which has to do
with childhood again each year.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(Lisel Mueller [source<\/a><\/em>])<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Not from whiskey river<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Skeleton<\/strong><\/p>

My skeleton,
you who once ached
with your own growing larger<\/p>

are now,
each year
imperceptibly smaller,
lighter,
absorbed by your own
concentration.<\/p>

When I danced,
you danced.
When you broke,
I.<\/p>

And so it was lying down,
walking,
climbing the tiring stairs.
Your jaws. My bread.<\/p>

Someday you,
what is left of you,
will be flensed of this marriage.<\/p>

Angular wristbone’s arthritis,
cracked harp of ribcage,
blunt of heel,
opened bowl of the skull,
twin platters of pelvis—
each of you will leave me behind,
at last serene.<\/p>

What did I know of your days,
your nights,
I who held you all my life
inside my hands
and thought they were empty?<\/p>

You who held me all my life
inside your hands
as a new mother holds
her own unblanketed child,
not thinking at all.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(Jane Hirshfield [source<\/a><\/em>])<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…and:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The world in which we are born is brutal and cruel, and at the same time of divine beauty. Which element we think outweighs the other, whether meaninglessness or meaning, is a matter of temperament. If meaninglessness were absolutely preponderant, the meaningfulness of life would vanish to an increasing degree with each step in our development. But that is — or seems to me — not the case. Probably, as in all metaphysical questions, both are true: Life is — or has — meaning and meaninglessness. I cherish the anxious hope that meaning will preponderate and win the battle.<\/p>

When Lao-tzu says: “All are clear, I alone am clouded,” he is expressing what I now feel in advanced old age. Lao-tzu is the example of a man with superior insight who has seen and experienced worth and worthlessness, and who at the end of his life desires to return into his own being, into the eternal unknowable meaning. The archetype of the old man who has seen enough is eternally true. At every level of intelligence this type appears, and its lineaments are always the same, whether it be an old peasant or a great philosopher like Lao-tzu. This is old age, and a limitation. Yet there is so much that fills me: plants, animals, clouds, day and night, and the eternal in man. The more uncertain I have felt about myself, the more there has grown up in me a feeling of kinship with all things. In fact it seems to me as if that alienation which so long separated me from the world has become transferred into my own inner world, and has revealed to me an unexpected unfamiliarity with myself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(Carl Jung [source<\/a><\/em>])<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[Image: “DCI Mooreland,” by John E. Simpson — one of my #jesstorypix series of photos (many highly post-processed) which inspired mini-narratives in me. (Shared here under a Creative Commons License; for more information, see this page at RAMH.) The story I saw in this one: DCI Selwyn Mooreland thought he’d seen it all — but […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22230,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","h5ap_radio_sources":[],"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":3,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Zadie Smith, Carl Jung, et al.: 'So Much That Fills Me'","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[247,1393,4701,250,5,4878,251,4159],"tags":[270,724,904,1775,2063,2314,3695],"class_list":{"0":"post-22224","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-ruminations","8":"category-whiskey-river-runningaftermyhat","9":"category-my-photography","10":"category-art","11":"category-06_writing","12":"category-fiction","13":"category-poetry-writing_cat","14":"category-essays","15":"tag-jane-hirshfield","16":"tag-aging","17":"tag-meaning","18":"tag-identity","19":"tag-carl-jung","20":"tag-lisel-mueller","21":"tag-zadie-smith","22":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/dcimooreland_johnesimpson_thumb.jpg?fit=500%2C500&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6kZSG-5Ms","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22224"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22224\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22322,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22224\/revisions\/22322"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22230"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}