{"id":5362,"date":"2009-08-14T10:57:00","date_gmt":"2009-08-14T14:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/?p=5362"},"modified":"2009-08-14T10:57:00","modified_gmt":"2009-08-14T14:57:00","slug":"a-little-learning-a-little-yearning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/2009\/08\/a-little-learning-a-little-yearning\/","title":{"rendered":"A Little Learning, a Little Yearning"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

[Image above shows the Parthenon, and its reflection in the facade of the New Acropolis Museum. Click image for more information and the original photo.]\n

From whiskey river<\/a>:<\/em><\/p>\n

Just Thinking<\/strong><\/p>\n

Got up on a cool morning. Leaned out a window.
\nNo cloud, no wind. Air that flowers held
\nfor awhile. Some dove somewhere.<\/p>\n

Been on probation most of my life. And
\nthe rest of my life been condemned. So these moments
\ncount for a lot — peace, you know.<\/p>\n

Let the bucket of memory down into the well,
\nbring it up. Cool, cool minutes. No one
\nstirring, no plans. Just being there.<\/p>\n

This is what the whole thing is about.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(William Stafford [source<\/em><\/a>])<\/p>\n

…and<\/a>:<\/p>\n

There is a bitter aftertaste when one swallows the truth, sometimes. It may be years before it becomes apparent, so long that you’ve forgotten that first taste, but it does come. It comes when, having thought you swallowed truth whole, what you got was only a morsel. Further, the spreading bitterness derives from understanding that what you thought<\/em> was true was, actually, true, but not in the way you thought or wanted it to be.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(Terrance Keenan [source<\/em><\/a> (p. 169)])<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Not<\/a> from whiskey river<\/em>:<\/p>\n

The Ball Poem<\/strong><\/p>\n

What is the boy now, who has lost his ball,
\nWhat, what is he to do? I saw it go
\nMerrily bouncing, down the street, and then
\nMerrily over — there it is in the water!
\nNo use to say ‘O there are other balls’:
\nAn ultimate shaking grief fixes the boy
\nAs he stands rigid, trembling, staring down
\nAll his young days into the harbour where
\nHis ball went. I would not intrude on him,
\nA dime, another ball, is worthless. Now
\nHe senses first responsibility
\nIn a world of possessions. People will take balls,
\nBalls will be lost always, little boy,
\nAnd no one buys a ball back. Money is external.
\nHe is learning, well behind his desperate eyes,
\nThe epistemology of loss, how to stand up
\nKnowing what every man must one day know
\nAnd most know many days, how to stand up.
\nAnd gradually light returns to the street,
\nA whistle blows, the ball is out of sight,
\nSoon part of me will explore the deep and dark
\nFloor of the harbour… I am everywhere,
\nI suffer and move, my mind and my heart move
\nWith all that move me, under the water
\nOr whistling, I am not a little boy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(John Berryman)<\/p>\n

…and<\/a>:<\/p>\n

The unicorn was white, with hoofs of silver and graceful horn of pearl. He stepped daintily over the heather, scarcely seeming to press it with his airy trot, and the wind made waves in his long mane which had been freshly combed. The glorious thing about him was his eye. There was a faint bluish furrow down each side of his nose, and this led to the eye sockets, and surrounded them in a pensive shade. The eyes, circled by this sad and beautiful darkness, were so sorrowful, lonely, gentle and nobly tragic, that they killed all other emotions except love.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(T.H. White, The Once and Future King<\/em>)<\/p>\n

Whew. That’s all pretty heavy, hmm? Maybe I should close this on a more upbeat note — of yearning eventually (although not in this excerpt) fulfilled…<\/p>\n

I remember clearly, itchingly, nervously, maddeningly the first time I laid eyes on it, pictured in a three-color, smeared illustration in a full-page back cover ad in Open Road For Boys<\/em>, a publication which at the time had an iron grip on my aesthetic sensibilities, and dime that I had to scratch up every month to stay with it. It was actually an early Playboy<\/em>. It sold dreams, fantasies, incredible adventure, and a way of life. Its center foldouts consisted of gigantic Kodiak bears charging out of the page at the reader, to be gunned down in single hand-to-hand combat by the eleven-year-old Killers armed only with hunting knife and fantastic bravery.<\/p>\n

Its Christmas issue weighed over seven pounds, its pages crammed with the effluvia of the Good Life of male Juvenalia, until the senses reeled and Avariciousness, the growing desire to own Everything, was almost unbearable. Today there must be millions of ex-subscribers who still can’t pass Abercrombie & Fitch* without a faint, keening note of desire and the unrequited urge to glom onto all of it. Just to have it, to feel it.<\/p>\n

Early in the Fall the ad first appeared. It was a magnificent thing of balanced copy and pictures, superb artwork, and subtly contrived catch phrases. I was among the very first hooked, I freely admit it.<\/p>\n

BOYS! AT LAST<\/span> YOU CAN OWN AN<\/span> OFFICIAL RED RYDER CARBINE ACTION TWO-HUNDRED SHOT<\/span> RANGE MODEL AIR RIFLE!<\/p>\n

This in block red and black letters surrounded by a large balloon coming out of Red Ryder’s own mouth, wearing his enormous ten-gallon Stetson, his jaw squared, staring out at me manfully and speaking directly to<\/em> me, eye to eye. In his hand was the knurled stock of as beautiful, as coolly deadly-looking a piece of weaponry as I’d ever laid eyes on.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(Jean Shepherd, from In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash<\/em> — and yes, the basis for that movie<\/a>)<\/p>\n

______________________<\/p>\n

* At the time Shepherd wrote this, A&F was still known as an outdoorsy\/wilderness (and expensive) “outfitter” in the L.L. Bean mold, decades before its second life as a retailer of stylish (and expensive) clothes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[Image above shows the Parthenon, and its reflection in the facade of the New Acropolis Museum. Click image for more information and the original photo.] From whiskey river: Just Thinking Got up on a cool morning. Leaned out a window. No cloud, no wind. Air that flowers held for awhile. Some dove somewhere. Been on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","h5ap_radio_sources":[],"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":3,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[247,250,5,36,251],"tags":[893,1345,1365,1366,1367,1368,1369,1370,1371,1372],"class_list":{"0":"post-5362","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-ruminations","7":"category-art","8":"category-06_writing","9":"category-reading","10":"category-poetry-writing_cat","11":"tag-terrance-keenan","12":"tag-william-stafford","13":"tag-learning","14":"tag-yearning","15":"tag-the-ball-poem","16":"tag-john-berryman","17":"tag-t-h-white","18":"tag-the-once-and-future-king","19":"tag-jean-shepherd","20":"tag-in-god-we-trust-all-others-pay-cash","21":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6kZSG-1ou","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5362"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5378,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5362\/revisions\/5378"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnesimpson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}