Everyday Heroes

Like nearly everyone seems to be, I’m caught up in what might be called Onauguration Fever.

And — coincidence? you be the judge! — Warner Brothers and Fox recently settled their legal tussling over the upcoming Watchmen film, allowing its release as scheduled on March 6.

Under the circumstances, the time seems right to celebrate the existence of real everyday heroes, nay, superheroes.

I do not speak of policemen, firemen, teachers, even soldiers. I speak — of course! — of those officially designated as such, at least by themselves, in the World Superhero Registry (slogan: “Coming Out of the Phone Booth”).

Not sure whether to take it seriously? Stop right there. (Or, as one of its members might say, “Halt!”) The Registry espouses an actual philosophy — a code of ethics, if you will:

~DO NO HARM~

Mistakes are unacceptable when one is dealing with matters of Life and Death. Getting into a battle with a villain risks not only the lives of those involved, but those of anyone within range of their weapons.

Non-lethal means of apprehending a villain provide an essential safety-margin, although even non-lethal techniques can sometimes result in injury or death. Sound judgment is always essential to prevent tragedy.

Unless a Hero chances upon a major crime in progress, careful research and planning are essential to any action to be taken. Poor research and planning could result in trying to apprehend undercover law-enforcement officers and other undesirable outcomes.

~FAIRNESS~

Although it may be tempting to pursue petty criminals due to the ease with which they can be found, in many cases it does not truly serve the cause of justice, nor is it worth the risk.

Apprehending prostitutes saves no lives, protects no property, and does not significantly advance the cause of justice.

Apprehending casual drug users is also of limited value to society.

When confronted by an essentially victimless crime, the appropriate response is, more often than not, a stern lecture.

If they’ve got a philosophy, they must be for real, right?

Some current members of the registry (resumes and quotations from the Registry itself; most of the superheroes have MySpace pages but only wild horses can get me to that site):

Entomo:

Category: Crime-fighting/Environmentalist/Detective
Activity Level: Unconfirmed
Identity: Secret
Notoriety: Medium
Arch Enemy: None
Region: Italy
Organization: Theta Force

Entomo patrols the streets of Naples and promotes environmental awareness.

“A stylized SIGMA is my symbol. SIGMA, because I sum up all the powerful, silent and venomous small creatures inhabiting this world. SIGMA, because I’m a synthesis, the human-like swansong of millions of races. I employ my faculties in saving what is left to save and destroying what doesn’t fit in the bigger scheme of equilibrium. I strike the right web lines in people’s minds, infusing morality into the body of corruption. From investigation to crime fighting to activism, I stand for the biggest conundrum of the known universe: balance between enthalpy and entropy. To be a Real Life Superhero is truly the greatest deed a man can accomplish in a backwards world like this, where fiction is truer to reality than reality itself. On the other hand, the chance to fight for such a stunning planet is too significant to be turned down. Hear my buzz, fear my bite: I inject justice.”

Edit to add (2009-03-17): I’ve heard from someone claiming to be Entomo (and who am I to doubt?); see his comment, below.

Edit to add even more (2009-03-21): Wait! Stop! The comment referred to in the preceding paragraph may be a sham! See my post of today for more information on the twisted story…

Queen of Hearts:

Category: Crime-fighting / Public Service
Activity Level: Confirmed Active
Identity: Secret
Notoriety: Medium
Arch Enemy: None
Region: Jackson Michigan
Organization: Crimefighter Corps.

The Queen Of Hearts patrols the Jackson area and frequently does volunteer work in her community as well as assisting local charities.

Together, Captain Jackson, The Queen Of Hearts and Crimefighter Girl are known as The Crimefighter Corps.

“The Queen of Hearts’ goal is to quell Domestic Violence by teaching our youth and others how to recognize and prevent it.”

Angle-grinder Man (Retired):

Category: Social activist
Activity Level: Formerly Active (Reported by BBC)
Identity: Secret
Notoriety: High
Arch Enemy: None
Region: England
Organization: None

Angle-grinder Man patrols by night looking for unhappy drivers who have been clamped and then sets their cars free. An odd-job man by day, he operates in Kent during the week and in London on weekends. He decided to go “full-time vigilante” in May this year.

“My obsession with wheel-clamping is actually a rebellion against a much deeper malaise,” he said. “Namely, the arrogant contempt that politicians hold for the people who put them into power, and whom they claim to represent.

[Hat tip: Janet Reid’s blog]