In Kate’s post today, she tackles Valentine’s Day a couple days early. (Determined to beat the rush, perhaps. You probably didn’t know the Internet charges a premium on Valentine’s-Day blog posts about love and sex.) But her post’s title reminded me of this film.
In the clip below, Diane Keaton’s character, Sonia, seems bored of the manifold loves-me/loves-me-not/loves-her/loves-him/does-not-either details in her cousin’s monologue. Yet it turns out she was listening all along and offers an analysis which cannot be refuted, if only because it can’t be understood.
moonrat says
The thing about Vday–this was pointed out to me by a friend who had lost her mother, and who compared it to Mother’s Day–it’s all about the have-nots. For those of us with partners, the day is a chore, a hoop to jump through, a time to reflect on how we wish things were better or to panic about what gifts will make him/her least disappointed. For those of us without, it is sheer and perfect pain. Cui bono, as they say?
Querulous Squirrel says
No one on the planet could have written these lines but Woody Allen.
Kate Lord Brown says
Good old Woody. Feeling rather ambivalent about V Day this year. At least loving or suffering you know you’re alive.
Recaptcha: Wuthering Faag (there’s a title Bronte didn’t think of)
John says
moonie: Well, yes and no.
I think what your friend was saying was a specific case of the general: We view [fill in holiday name] through a lens of our own experiences (especially recent ones) (and even more especially when the recent ones were bad). (After my father died, 20 years ago, somebody told me that on average it takes two [fill in holiday]s before you stop expecting to see a family member who’s died.)
Most of us, most of the time — with no recent Big Events fresh in our minds — have two choices:
(1) We can regard [holiday] as a particularly pointed reminder that, really, most days are on balance like most others. Wednesdays as a whole are pretty much like Tuesdays. And every holiday, for most of our lives, is pretty much like the same holiday last year.
…or…
(2) We can decide that the point of a holiday isn’t that it’s “celebrated” every year, but rather each year. [Holiday] 2009 isn’t meant to stand out in stark relief from [Holiday] 2008; it’s meant to contrast with the days before and after. It’s like a special-purpose thumb in a month of fingers, whether the holiday celebrates or solemnizes or just commemorates.
For some reason I’m picturing a caveman, hiding in the woods and watching another tribe fashion new loincloths out of animal hide. Our guy looks down at himself and sighs. “Loincloths,” he says, and his lip trembles bitterly. “Huh. I remember when I had a loincloth…” Like, okay, but jeez, man, for now just cover yourself up with something.
Squirrel: Know what you mean. On first hearing/reading a funny passage he’s written, my first impulse is to laugh at the joke. But afterwards I can’t help thinking about the manner of delivery — the pace and rhythm of the words and the crazy point of view — and wishing I had a fraction of his gift for “signing” his writing without ever mentioning his name.
Kate: Do you know Sondheim’s musical Company? Not traditional Valentine’s material by usual standards, but it might fit nicely into your frame of mind right now — across the spectrum of emotion.
That recaptcha is a classic. Like, “Hmm… ‘Heathcliff’… ‘Heathcliff’!” [slaps forehead]
Jolie says
This will be the first positive Valentine’s Day of my life. EVER. I’m back with my high school sweetheart and we’re excited to do a couple of little things to celebrate how much we love each other.
I think it makes a difference when you’re in a same-sex relationship. The balance of power and, therefore, the expectations are more equal because there’s no presumed gender-based Vday responsibilities for either partner. My ex-boyfriend and I never celebrated Vday; it didn’t suit our relationship dynamic (i.e. he never made much an effort at anything for me).
John says
Jolie: You may be onto something with that same-vs.-opposite-sex theory. Which isn’t to say (not that you did say!) that any major relationship is free of complications. But surely just having the, yes, expectations more equal has got to be a load off everyone’s mind.
Congrats on a good V Day — finally!
cynth says
I always thought that V day was the time when I stopped and “paid attention” to the person walking beside me. I mean, really paid attention. It was a day designed for me to recognize that person. I love V-day and all its silly ramifications. And I always celebrate it with hearts and smiles. Pollyana I suppose. But one of my favorites!
marta says
I wasn’t a fan of Valentine’s Day in my single days. Now, I’m..well, not indifferent, but not bothered.
But this thread of talk here reminds me about how I try to feel about Mother’s Day. All these girls and women taking their mother’s out for dinner, sitting together and sharing a cup of coffee or whatever. I try to remember (note the word try) that it isn’t about what I don’t have. Why shouldn’t other people be allowed to celebrate what they do have?
Hmm… I see plenty of problem with this, but otherwise I’d be a misery. I do get annoyed at people who take their moms for granted.
But I’m rambling. And I’m married so what do I know?
John says
cynth: I can’t follow you into that love for all the “silly ramifications.” (In Kate’s post which I linked at the top of this one, she asked if we remembered the old “Love is…” comic strip by someone who signed him/herself just “Kim.” I practically ran screaming from the room. :)) But the paying-attention bit works for me.
Per moonrat’s comment, the question lingers: How to respond to V’s Day in the absence of someone to pay attention to? “Sheer and perfect pain”? (Talking about long haul here; I think people who’ve just recently lost that someone get a big pass.)
marta: It’s almost impossible — isn’t it? — NOT to compare our own life experiences with others’. Especially on days (Valentine’s, Mother’s, Father’s, birthdays and anniversaries…) whose point, practically, is to fashion and broadcast a life experience.
(Who would’ve guessed that a YouTube excerpt from a Woody Allen film would get into such stuff? The world is truly a strange place — even stranger with the Internet layered over it. :)
To no one in particular: recaptcha at the moment is “Barnum arrivals.” Another creepily coincidental comment on the topic at hand.
Eileen says
Ha! I haven’t seen that movie in probably ten years. It’s great fun to rediscover. :)
John says
Eileen: I’m not sure, but it may have been Allen’s last film played strictly for laughs (although Bullets Over Broadway might qualify for that). When he’s “on,” he’s unbeatable!