Patient (handing appointment card for his regular checkup to receptionist at desk in Super Mega Giant medical center): Hey, how you doing, I’m—
Receptionist: I know. Got you right here. (Hands exam paperwork to patient; calls out to someone out of sight behind her.) He just got here! I’m sending him right back!
(Patient wanders around corner, meets nurse at door leading to warren of exam rooms, check-out area, etc.)
Patient (to nurse): Wow. You took me fast. I even brought a book up h—
Nurse: I know! You got here just at a good time! Come with me, please.
(She leads patient through maze. Patient’s imagination starts to get better of him; he believes he sees a troll at the check-out window, and a gnome taking phone calls. This can’t be true, although the corridors are getting narrower and more twisty and the walls are running with slime.)
Nurse (gesturing at scale): Step up here, please. (Looks startled.) Hmm. (Purses lips. Makes notation on pad.)
Patient: Something wrong?
Nurse: Step down, follow me… No, sir, nothing wrong!
(More corridors. Spiders on ceiling and walls. Oil-guttering torches. They arrive at the correct exam room.)
Nurse: All right, I’ll just sit here at the computer (she sits) and you sit there on the table. (He does so.) Now let me just verify your prescriptions, okay?
Patient: Okay—
Nurse: Fosamax.
Patient (eyes crossing): Uh, Fosamax? Isn’t that for, like, wom—
Nurse: Okay, no Fosamax? Okay. How about aspirin. You still taking aspirin?
Patient (relieved): Yep! Enteric—
Nurse: Right. The 81 size, right?
Patient: The, uh, 81—?
Nurse: And how about the [insert what sounds to patient like a completely improvised brand name with many x‘s, z‘s, k‘s, and a short a or two]? Are you still—
Patient (taking command of the situation): Y’know, I’m getting a little worried. I don’t recognize these prescriptions you’re talking about. Are you sure—
Nurse (glances at patient, glances at screen, glances at paperwork in her lap): Oh my gosh! I’ve got the wrong patient! Come with me, please.
(They exit the exam room. Nurse leads patient back into corridors. A left, a right, straight ahead, dodge the pharmaceutical salesman, the falling stalactites and screeching bats, and suddenly back into the relative daylight of the waiting room.)
Nurse (to patient): Just have a seat, please. Someone will be right with you. (To room at large) Stephenson! Julia Stephenson!
marta says
I shall be wondering what is in store for Julia Stephenson. Sounds real to me.
Beth says
A scary tale, that.
John says
marta: No kidding. I just hope that none of the information which Nurse recorded about Patient found its way into that JS’s files. (Later scene between Dr. and That JS: “Hmmm… I see you’ve stopped taking your Fosamax. So the osteoporosis is feeling better?”)
Beth: Yeah — from pretty much anyone’s perspective!
cynth says
I always think of that walk from the receptionist area to the examining room as sort of what the rabbit warrens in Watership Down must have been like. Labyrinthine and you will never find your way out without a map…referencing neatly the previous blog…
Recaptcha: Pooh chambar?
John says
cynth: Yes. Of course I don’t actually believe this is true — heh heh, nonono surely not — but it’s almost as if there were a secret society of medical-building architects who’ve studied mazes in history, art, and literature, and adapted those styles to their own evil ends. All I can say is, the first time I encounter a topiary beast in one of those corridors I, am, OUTTA there.