The scene: a suburban home in North Florida, USA. Family gathering for Kentucky Derby viewing: gambols and gambles. Much food and beverage being prepared and consumed. He has just returned to house after walking Pooch. Everyone but She is in the living room, talking, laughing, watching TV.
He: [entering kitchen, where He knows She must be] We had a productive walk— What?
She stands before open pantry, laughing madly, pulling things from shelves and dropping them on floor.
She: I can’t find my baking soda!
He: [mentally running through menu items, not remembering any which involve baking soda] Your, uh, baking so—
She: Yes! Baking soda! I can’t find it!
She shuts pantry door, which immediately springs back open because of heap of boxes, cans, and canisters on floor.
He: What do you need baking soda f—?
She: [reaching back into pantry, emerging with familiar dull-yellow box; running around to front of stove, and still bursting sporadically into demented giggles] I need it for the fire!
He: Er, the fire—?
She: Yes! [yanks open oven door] The fire! The potholder fire!
She points, needlessly now, to a flaming mass of thick furry dark-blue fabric on bottom of oven. The oven is filled with smoke, and also with a pan of oven-broiled sandwiches for the Derby Day crowd. She dumps half the box of baking soda on the erstwhile potholder, and shuts the oven door.
She: I dropped a potholder in the oven.
He: Yes, I noticed. But the—
She: I knew baking soda would put it out safely.
He: But the, uh, the pan—
She: [leaning back against counter, sipping at mint juleps] You should never use water on an oven fire.
DarcKnyt says
Well, now … what crisis can’t be solved with a little baking soda and a mint juleps?
The Querulous Squirrel says
At least someone knows what she is doing.
John says
Darc: Haha, right — although I’m not sure “solved” is the right word in this context. We need a term that connotes something more like “lived with.” :)
Squirrel: Now I want to know which word in your comment you’re placing the accent on.
cynth says
I loved the scenario. And she’s right, no water for that sucker!
Nance says
Baking soda puts out oven mitts and alcohol puts out frontal lobes. Ta Da!
Wow, there was a Derby? Somehow, the flood in Tennessee put the whole thing right out of my mind. I wonder if I would have been as hyper-focused on that flood if I hadn’t had relatives in the area.
This post was terrifically good fun and so efficient at it!