[Image: “Jw Allosaurus meets Rl Allosaurus,” by a user on DeviantArt identified only as “Allosaurus28.” My understanding is that “Jw” represents the dinosaur as depicted in the Jurassic World film series; “Rl,” as it’s believed to have looked in real life (see Wikipedia for much more information).]
From whiskey river’s commonplace book:
You fight your superficiality, your shallowness, so as to try to come at people without unreal expectations, without an overload of bias or hope or arrogance, as untanklike as you can be, sans cannon and machine guns and steel plating half a foot thick; you come at them unmenacingly on your own ten toes instead of tearing up the turf with your caterpillar treads, take them on with an open mind, as equals, man to man, as we used to say, and yet you never fail to get them wrong. You might as well have the brain of a tank. You get them wrong before you meet them, while you’re anticipating meeting them; you get them wrong while you’re with them; and then you go home to tell somebody else about the meeting and you get them all wrong again. Since the same generally goes for them with you, the whole thing is really a dazzling illusion empty of all perception, an astonishing farce of misperception. And yet what are we to do about this terribly significant business of other people, which gets bled of the significance we think it has and takes on instead a significance that is ludicrous, so ill-equipped are we all to envision one another’s interior workings and invisible aims? Is everyone to go off and lock the door and sit secluded like the lonely writers do, in a soundproof cell, summoning people out of words and then proposing that these word people are closer to the real thing than the real people that we mangle with our ignorance every day? The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It’s getting them wrong that is living, getting them wrong and wrong and wrong and then, on careful reconsideration, getting them wrong again. That’s how we know we’re alive: we’re wrong. Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong about people and just go along for the ride. But if you can do that – well, lucky you.
(Philip Roth [source])
…and:
It’s vital to remember who you really are. It’s very important. It isn’t a good idea to rely on other people to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.
(Terry Pratchett [source])
…and:
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.
(Muriel Rukeyser [source: not canonical, but see here])
…and (in slightly different form):
The Argument Clinic
Man: Ah. I’d like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, I haven’t, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, what’s the cost?
Receptionist: Well, it’s one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
Man: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started with just the one and then see how it goes.
Receptionist: Fine. Well, I’ll see who’s free at the moment.
(Pause)
Receptionist: Mr. DeBakey’s free, but he’s a little bit conciliatory. Ah yes, try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
Man: Thank you.
(Walks down the hall, opens door)
Mr Barnard: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Man: Well, I was told outside that…
Mr Barnard: DON’T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!
Man: What?
Mr Barnard: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE REALLY MAKES ME PUKE, YOU VACUOUS, COFFEE-NOSED, MALODOROUS PERVERT!
Man: Look, I CAME IN HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I’m not going to just stand…!!
Mr Barnard: OH, I’m sorry, but this is abuse.
Man: Oh, I see, well, that explains it…
(Monty Python [source, but see the note below])
From elsewhere:
When that mad medley of fun and fancy, of grossness and delicacy, “The Playboy of the Western World,” was put on the American stage, men laughed—generally at the wrong time—out of the hopeless confusion of their minds. The “Playboy” was admittedly an enigma. The night I saw it, the audience, under the impression that it was anti-Irish, or anti-Catholic, or anti-moral, or anti-something, they were not sure what, hurled denunciations and one missile—which looked strangely like a piece of pie—at the ?actors. It was a disgraceful scene, but not without its humorous side; for when the riotous interruptions had subsided, an elderly man arose, and, with the manner of an invited speaker at a public dinner, began, “From time immemorial”—But the house had grown tired of disturbances, and howled him down. He waited for silence, and then in the same composed and leisurely manner began again, “From time immemorial”—At this point one of the policemen who had been restoring order led him gently but forcibly out of the theatre; the play was resumed; and what it was that had happened from time immemorial we were destined never to know.
(Agnes Repplier [source])
…and:
We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
(H.L. Mencken [source])
…and:
The Eye
Said the Eye one day, “I see beyond these valleys a mountain veiled with blue mist. Is it not beautiful?”
The Ear listened, and after listening intently awhile, said, “But where is any mountain? I do not hear it.”
Then the Hand spoke and said, “I am trying in vain to feel it or touch it, and I can find no mountain.”
And the Nose said, “There is no mountain, I cannot smell it.”
Then the Eye turned the other way, and they all began to talk together about the Eye’s strange delusion. And they said, “Something must be the matter with the Eye.”
(Kahlil Gibran [source])
__________
Note: This isn’t an “official” source, but apparently a book generated from a fan site of all the scripts. From the short introduction:
…this is not intended as a replacement for the printed Python scripts, this is only intended as reference material for people wanting to look up a specific sketch, as I so often get emails from people asking about this sketch or that sketch … if you enjoy the Monty Python sketches, please buy the books “All the Words” (or “Just the Words”) volumes 1 and 2, the official script books that inspired this site. Okay?
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