Some people imagine. And some people just flat-out do… even in defiance of gravity.
Hat tip to Haven Kimmel’s Blog for pointing me to this video:
Ridiculous pursuits, matters solemn and less so
by John 6 Comments
Some people imagine. And some people just flat-out do… even in defiance of gravity.
Hat tip to Haven Kimmel’s Blog for pointing me to this video:
by John 5 Comments
Patient (handing appointment card for his regular checkup to receptionist at desk in Super Mega Giant medical center): Hey, how you doing, I’m—
Receptionist: I know. Got you right here. (Hands exam paperwork to patient; calls out to someone out of sight behind her.) He just got here! I’m sending him right back!
(Patient wanders around corner, meets nurse at door leading to warren of exam rooms, check-out area, etc.)
Patient (to nurse): Wow. You took me fast. I even brought a book up h—
Nurse: I know! You got here just at a good time! Come with me, please.
(She leads patient through maze. Patient’s imagination starts to get better of him; he believes he sees a troll at the check-out window, and a gnome taking phone calls. This can’t be true, although the corridors are getting narrower and more twisty and the walls are running with slime.)
Nurse (gesturing at scale): Step up here, please. (Looks startled.) Hmm. (Purses lips. Makes notation on pad.)
Patient: Something wrong?
Nurse: Step down, follow me… No, sir, nothing wrong!
(More corridors. Spiders on ceiling and walls. Oil-guttering torches. They arrive at the correct exam room.)
Nurse: All right, I’ll just sit here at the computer (she sits) and you sit there on the table. (He does so.) Now let me just verify your prescriptions, okay?
Patient: Okay—
Nurse: Fosamax.
Patient (eyes crossing): Uh, Fosamax? Isn’t that for, like, wom—
Nurse: Okay, no Fosamax? Okay. How about aspirin. You still taking aspirin?
Patient (relieved): Yep! Enteric—
Nurse: Right. The 81 size, right?
Patient: The, uh, 81—?
Nurse: And how about the [insert what sounds to patient like a completely improvised brand name with many x‘s, z‘s, k‘s, and a short a or two]? Are you still—
Patient (taking command of the situation): Y’know, I’m getting a little worried. I don’t recognize these prescriptions you’re talking about. Are you sure—
Nurse (glances at patient, glances at screen, glances at paperwork in her lap): Oh my gosh! I’ve got the wrong patient! Come with me, please.
(They exit the exam room. Nurse leads patient back into corridors. A left, a right, straight ahead, dodge the pharmaceutical salesman, the falling stalactites and screeching bats, and suddenly back into the relative daylight of the waiting room.)
Nurse (to patient): Just have a seat, please. Someone will be right with you. (To room at large) Stephenson! Julia Stephenson!
by John 6 Comments
I once read advice from a… novelist? playwright? not sure — anyhow, someone who said something like, “The hardest job in writing a story is getting a character from one room to another.” This stuck in my head because at the time I was struggling with just this difficulty. I kept trying to account for the characters’ every movement: He walked to the door and reached for the doorknob. He turned it. He pulled the door open, hesitated, and then stepped over the threshold onto the bathroom tile… or whatever it was.
Even after I [knock on wood] grew out of that clumsiness, though — it’s a wonder more of my characters didn’t break their necks as I drove them past furniture, pets, fireplaces — I’ve always liked to have a sense of where characters are, relative to their landscapes and to one another. Of all the fears I have of a critic, somewhere, sometime, taking potshots at my stories, one of the biggest is that s/he will be able to sneer, y’know, something like the following:
[shudder]Simpson can’t even keep his geography straight. In one chapter he refers to a character walking three blocks and turning right; four pages later, the same character — taking the same route — is said to count five traffic signals and then turn left. Well, which is it, Mr. Simpson? Which is it?
Anyhow, when I started on Grail Seems to Fit, I knew I’d be making up a locale from scratch. This seemed clever at the time, because no one would be able to trip me up on mismatches with the real world.
Alas, it also meant that I occasionally got confused when navigating the action around the fictional world.
So then I went back through what I had written to that point, and laid out the town in question, in pencil, on a sheet of lined notebook paper: block by block, labeled with store names, residents’ names, and so on.
I found that map this morning. On one hand, the discovery annoyed me; I’d just typed the words “Chapter 1, Caerleon, Pennsylvania: 1991” at the top of page 1, when I suddenly thought Gee — didn’t I do a map of the town once…? I even knew right where I could find a copy of it. And once I found it, I spent the rest of my morning writing session inspecting it, trying to recall all the details I’d labeled (more or less legibly) 17-18 years ago and why I’d thought they were important.
So there went today’s writing down the drain. Tomorrow ought to go smoother. (Or at least, I’ll have one less excuse for not being productive.)
[For more information about the map in question, including what details I remembered and a larger, more legible copy, see here.]
Fellow writers, how about you? Do you make maps of your world(s) — not just maps in your head, but on paper? Do you draw floor plans? Or is this just some highly localized form of obsessive-compulsive disorder on my part?
Edit to add: Although I never did a map of any of the locations in the Welsh backstory, I do know exactly where the (fictional) village was where the main character lived in the 1700s. It was a village named Cymer Bach (roughly, “Little Confluence”); if you look at the Google Maps “terrain view” of Cymer Bach you can see why.
by John 7 Comments
…or still planning to?
If so, when you’re done drop a comment here, or over at Moonrat’s place. Let us know how it went, or just leave a link to a post at your own blog which does the same thing.
(My own account is here.)
by John 4 Comments
From the start of a recently deleted sp*m comment here at RAMH:
Whereas feelings are not viewed as ethical(that is, not judged to be good or bad), behaviors are . The radiograph will show you how many puppies she is having . Value your partner as your sexual friend and be an intimate team.
The hell with that, I say. If she’s having even a single puppy she’s got a lot of explaining to do… and you can safely strike the phrase “intimate team” from our implied contract, starting now.
by John 7 Comments
From whiskey river:
The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is on the contrary born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else — we are the busiest people in the world.
(Eric Hoffer)
Not from whiskey river:
Pray let us have no more bussiness, but busyness : the deuse take me if I know how to spell it, your wrong spelling, madam Stella, has put me out: it does not look right; let me see, bussiness, busyness, business, bisyness, bisness, bysness; faith, I know not which is right, I think the second; I believe I never writ the word in my life before ; yes, sure I must though; business, busyness, bisyness. I have perplexed myself, and can’t do it. Prithee ask Walls. Business, I fancy that’s right. Yes it is; I looked in my own pamphlet, and found it twice in ten lines, to convince you that I never writ it before. O, now I see it as plain as can be; so yours is only an s too much.
(Jonathan Swift, Dr. Swift’s Letters to Stella, Letter XXXV [source])
…and:
by John 5 Comments
I worked for AT&T, late 1970s through sometime in the early 1990s (depending on where you want to place the marker). And I was a loyal customer, too. When less costly competing services came along, from MCI and Sprint, I never gave them a glance. I never considered buying a phone or answering machine that lacked the stylized bell logo (or later, the stripy globe). Even my first real home PC was an AT&T model.
In more recent years, the loyalty has faded. It’s pretty much just the brand name now which gets acquired by new corporate scalphunters. (For people I worked with back then who remain with the company, such as it is, working life must feel a little surreal.) My cell phone now comes from Finland. It operates on a cellular network belonging to one of those “inferior” competitors. I’ve moved on.
All of which is by way of saying (you were wondering, admit it): I don’t have any particular vested interest in recent AT&T cellular service ads on TV… except as a TV viewer.
And as a TV viewer, I’ve started to become obsessed with those ads. Those frigging ads…
by John 27 Comments
The blogosphere — or maybe it’s just the corner I’ve been mostly visiting, the one with the writers and other assorted wordsmiths — seems to have been overtaken by despair recently. Or maybe it’s not despair, exactly. Maybe more like anomie, a sort of formless uncertainty about the whole enterprise of getting language onto paper or screen, into lyrics and scripts.
Many people mutter, darkly, about the prospect of ever getting published — traditionally, or even at all. Others just want to take a break. Go on hiatus. Explore other creative avenues. Bug out.
Hmm.
I think we could all use a shot in the arm. Maybe we need to take a page from the New York Writers Coalition, which has designated next Saturday, May 16th, as their 4th Annual Write Your A** Off Day (or, less in-your-face, the Write-a-Thon).
[Above image, “Magic Eye” by Jennifer Love, first appeared on TrekEarth.]
From whiskey river (italicized portion):
Beside the grand history of the glaciers and their own, the mountain streams sing the history of every avalanche or earthquake and of snow, all easily recognized by the human ear, and every word evoked by the falling leaf and drinking dear, beside a thousand other facts so small and spoken by the stream in so low a voice the human ear cannot hear them. The wing scars the sky, making a path inevitably as the deer in snow, and the winds all know it and tell it though we hear it not.
(John Muir, John of the Mountains [source])
Not from whiskey river:
When your eyes are functioning well you don’t see your eyes. If your eyes are imperfect you see spots in front of them. That means there are some lesions in the retina or wherever, and because your eyes aren’t working properly, you feel them. In the same way, you don’t hear your ears. If you have a ringing in your ears it means there’s something wrong with your ears. Therefore, if you do feel yourself, there must be something wrong with you. Whatever you have, the sensation of I is like spots in front of your eyes — it means something’s wrong with your functioning.
(Alan Watts, Ego)
…and:
by John 8 Comments
…badly made.
Which is why, recently presented with these two books for review, I will probably start with the latter:
Why are women biologically driven to find Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome?
Can more s*x help ensure a safe pregnancy?
What effect does p0rn0gr@phy have on a man’s fert!l!ty?In this compelling follow-up to the New York Times bestseller Survival of the Sickest, Dr. Sharon Moalem takes us on a trip from prehistory to the forefront of cutting-edge medical research, and through a bedroom or two, to tell the story of how human s*xuality has developed over time. How S*x Works challenges common perceptions about our bodies and provides astonishing discoveries from the frontiers of science as it traces the transformation of s*x across species and through time to its current role in human societies…
In over his head with two pigs, a dozen chickens, and a baby due any minute, the acclaimed author of Truck: A Love Story gives us a humorous, heartfelt memoir of a new life in the country.
Last seen sleeping off his wedding night in the back of a 1951 International Harvester pickup, Michael Perry is now living in a rickety Wisconsin farmhouse. Faced with thirty-seven acres of fallen fences and overgrown fields, and informed by his pregnant wife that she intends to deliver their baby at home, Perry plumbs his unorthodox childhood — his city-bred parents took in more than a hundred foster children while running a ramshackle dairy farm — for clues to how to proceed as a farmer, a husband, and a father…
Well, they also say that postponement toughens the soul. Something like that, anyhow. Don’t put off till tomorrow, so forth and so on. “They” –whoever they are — must be a barrel of laughs at a party.
P.S. Seriously? I’d more likely buy Coop anyway — even though I haven’t read either one yet. (And it’s got nothing to do with virtue, God knows.)